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Play a bit part in a movie Only for the Oscar

Play a bit I got a letter from Gary Trollinger the editorial page editor of the Reading (Pa) Eagle who asked as tactfully as he could what had possessed me to appear in a movie. His question was not based on the proposition that the movie in question was a particularly shameful movie to be in It was “Sleepless in Seattle” a summer release whose -cast also includes if I may put it that way Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Trollinger whose responsibilities at the Reading Eagle happen to include some movie reviewing said that he reported favorably to his readers on “Sleepless in Seattle” - or as he put it in the letter about my participation "I liked it anyhow". Still as I understood Trollinger’s query he was curious as to why a columnist who had been hovering on the edges of respectability would choose to take a bit part in a Hollywood movie. Diplomatically he did not add that the character I had been asked to play - an uncle recently released from prison after doing some mail fraud - was not particularly uplifting. The answer is simple: the Academy Award. That’s right I did it in the hope of winning an Oscar. If Trollinger doesn’t believe that he need only get in touch with Alan Comfort a friend of mine in Nova Scotia which is where I happened to be last summer when I was informed that the director was ready for me in Seattle. As I left I said “Alan I want to promise you one thing: if I win an Academy Award my speech is going to consist of thanking you for driving me to the Halifax airport". It was the second Oscar acceptance speech I had planned Years ago I had an idea for a screenplay but I realized that if I was going to write it I should at least know what a screenplay was supposed to look like I phoned a friend of mine who had worked on some screenplays - for the sake of his privacy I’ll call my friend John Gregory Dunne - and asked him to send me one as a sample I told him that if I won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay my acceptance speech would be In its entirety "I’d like to thank John Gregory Dunne for teaching me margins Everything else I did myself” For one reason or another - maybe I spent too much time polishing that speech -1 never got around to doing the screenplay So as last summer approached I had never won an Oscar I figured "Sleepless in Seattle” was my chance My model was Wilford Brimley who - in what was as far as I know his first significant Hollywood part came in during the last ten minutes or so of “Absence of Malice” and took over the movie Brimley was so good that just for a moment you forgot how stupid the plot was. He was nominated for an Academy Award. At this point in the explanation I suspect Trollinger would like to remind me that I could hardly expect an Academy Award nomination for appearing in one Christmas-dinner -scene with a lot of other people and uttering only seven or eight words That’s true - although the way I prefer to express the number of words I spoke is “nearly ten.” What Trollinger doesn’t know is this: there was another scene. That’s right I had a big scene. It was set on that same Christmas Day in that same house I was on a landing of the stairs and I was trying to teach three boys to bark like a dog I did all the talking - much more than ten words. The boys did a little barking. The scene had Oscar written all over it. Did it end up on the cutting floor? No it ended up on a video cassette that the editor was kind enough to make for me I show it regularly I’d be happy to show it to Trollinger A man of his experience with the cinematic arts would certainly appreciate it if I actually offered to use It to pro- mote the movie doing a version of those talk show appearances made by stars who chat about their recently released movie and then show a clip After the host raved about the 1 dip I would say "Yes and that scene was cut so you can imagine how good the scenes are that actually made it into the movie" I was disappointed that my promotional efforts weren’t needed I thought a movie producer might see the dip and offer me another role - a slightly larger role I would take over the movie. I would win the Academy.

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